Confusion and Panic Grip Economy, Cardboard Box Real Estate Doubles in Value

The jobless rate in the United States jumped to 8.1% in February. Over 650,000 people lost their jobs. 12.5M Americans are now without jobs. The country's GDP is now shrinking at an annual rate of 3.8%.

Somewhere along the line, we fucked shit up. Now I'm not going to go looking for someone to blame for this. We've got enough whiny-bitches on the TV doing that already. People are saying things like "we saw this coming long ago" and "the bottom had to fall out eventually"... well fuck that. And everybody douchebag on the news is coming up with some stroke-addled analogy to explain this all to us, because nobody seems to be able to fucking grasp what the economy really is. The economy is like playing Jenga, and now we're at the end of the game with no pieces left to remove... NO! Shut the fuck up!

The real problem is, there's too much in this modern age that we don't truly fucking understand. The internet: interconnected networks of wires that transfer information to servers that can be access by home computers via modems? Fuck no! I call witchcraft on that motherfucker. Cell phones: portable radios that digitally send data to localized towers that then transmit to a larger network? That makes less sense than shitting in a bathtub. Sorcery I say! Automobiles: carriages propelled by the internal combustion engine? Blasphemy! More like magically mechanical beasts that we constantly have to feed and pray to, to get us where we fucking want to go. I mean, are we really dumb enough to believe that airplanes can fly based on the fucking shape of their wings? That ain't how birds do it, so it's another fucking lie!

No. We don't understand a fucking thing about the world we live in. I don't even know how the fuck I write this crap. Am I using a Firefox to blog my Windows? Is my mouse plugged into the MP3 or the Wikipedia? What the fuck is a QWERTY? does it hurt? These are questions that the greatest sages of old can't fucking answer. In their day you went up a mountain as a young man to get answers and by the time you got back, you were a senile old fuck. That was their version of Googling shit, and you know what? It seemed to work just fine for those fucks. Granted, you lived to be 35 and the child mortality rate was 2/3, but people understood how and why. The answer: magic.

So what am I fucking whining about? Shit. I don't even know anymore. Why are we complaining about shit? Right, the economy. Listen, if 20th-level Grand Master Sorcerer Alan Greenspan couldn't figure this shit out, why the fuck are we even trying to dumb it down for the average Wal-Martian? Here's all you need to know: If you have a job: good for you, keep it. If you don't: you're fucked, go starve somewhere out of the way. Other than that shit, business as fucking usual: American Idol, MacDonalds, and Starbucks. GoooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Reagan!