The Internet is Fucking Lame

There's no news here. The internet has always been this fucking lame. Even when it was impressive that you could type something into a computer in New York and have someone in Los Angeles read it, it was still lame as holy hell. For a while, all of the capabilities that kept appearing to make the internet seem so much more attractive could simply be countered with: "I can do that faster in person, you pasty fuck." Of course, we're far beyond that point. The internet is an important tool in the world of globalization... or something... I don't know. It's still fucking useless.

The really terrifying thing is these assholes of the younger fucking generations are far more integrated into the internet than the consumers of depends who first grew up with it. Remember how having an away message up on AIM was cool and edgy? Fuck, I don't really either. I guess at some point it may have seemed way deep to have song lyrics or a quote as an away message... and then we all graduated the fucking 10th grade. Thought that was the end of it? Fuck no! Now we've got Twitter... and Facebook... and live updates on cell phones. People can beam their every fucking action to you so that you have to pay attention. Oh shit, your steak wasn't served tender?! I'm going to write my fucking congressman about it!

I think the worse thing about it is that it shows us just how fucking lazy we all are. Nietzsche wrote that he thought commoners shouldn't know how to read and write because they'd flood the literary landscape with their fucking boring writings. Lucky for ol'Freddy, even when everyone is literate, they're still to fucking lazy to all write down their boring thoughts. Well that's changed now, motherfuckers! Thanks to texting and social networking, everyone can spread their shitty, inane thoughts. Now we can all see how clever everyone is by constantly reconstructing the statement "(Enter Your Name Here) is (Enter Action/Statement)." Fuck! It's like madlibs but with... wait no! It's just as fucking pathetic as madlibs.

Even worse, blog sites that masquerade as something useful. Listen, people will have blogs. Journals where they whine about shit, forums where they discuss politics; whatever, I don't give a fuck. It's your personal fucking soapbox. Has anyone heard of Guidespot.com? Of course not. It's a blog site where anyone can write a useful guide to anything. Fucking awesome. That's just what I need, advice from someone who isn't good enough to be paid for their fucking insight. Oh Wow! Now I can read some NYU dropout's instructions on "How to Love a New York Pervert." Or even better, a film school reject's list of "Movies that Will Seriously Mess with your Head"... because clearly this guy is the only one who's ever fucking dropped acid while watching Ingmar Bergman films.

And Youtube, possibly the redeemer of the internet as it provides us with retarded videos in bulk, it can also provide us with some of the lamest shit since the Da Vinci Code. Now every boring fuck can have their own talk show. Fantastic! It's just like watching Conan O'Brien, except... wait... it fucking never gets funny! Because clearly imitating something that's already been done to death is the fucking way to get noticed. And even better, thanks to Facebook and Twitter, I get updates to ever new episode. Sweet! Where the fuck is my gun? Because I need to drill some fucking tunnels through my goddamn neuro-receptors. I'll make it into a Youtube video!