They Can Learn!

For the past year, England's University of Plymouth has been working with a robotic baby called iCub. The idea behind the research is observe how iCub learns via computers, therefore gaining insight into how human children learn. Ideally, the robot will eventually be able to speak short phrases in addition to more mundane activities such as sorting different shaped objects and stacking wooden blocks. Recently, iCub was shown off to the media doing things like walking, crawling, and generally portraying the traits of a human toddler.

You fucking idiots! It's like you shits are just trying to start a goddamn robot uprising. Have you ever seen ANY movie about robots in the past 25 years? First they learn to walk, then they learn to talk, then they learn about the flaws of humanity; next thing you know... BOOM! They're quoting Nietzsche while we're all having our last fucking breath strangled out of us by shiny metal toddler hands. Okay sure, it seems harmless enough now. The fucking abomination is tethered to its power source and can barely walk without support, but just look at that plastic white face; it's like they already designed it to terrify the fuck out of us.

Why would you even make a goddamn robot toddler to study the development of human toddlers? How the fuck does that logic make any sense? You want to learn about a human toddler? Maybe you should have paid more attention to your good-for-nothing son when he was a toddler. Maybe then he wouldn't be out turning tricks for a pimp named Dandy Fop to get money to feed his crystal-meth habit. But no, why don't you go build a metal fucking monstrosity to take his place. This one won't run away from you--no, it'll only play with your intestines like a kitten plays with yarn.

So remember to thank the douche-baggery of scientific method when a thousand of these fuckers come knocking on your door screaming "Exterminate!" at the top of their vocal-chord simulators. Maybe science will toss us a bone and publish where the fucking CPU is, so I know where to aim, but I'm not going to hold my breath. I'm going to the gun store.