Iraqi Karate Coach Shot by Insurgents, Star Pupil Plans Vengeance at Insurgent Karate Tournament

Iraqi Olympic karate coach Izzat Abdullah was shot dead by gunmen this Friday in the city of Mosul. While it is not known exactly why Abdullah was targeted, insurgents regularly targeted athletes and trainers during the height of the Iraqi insurgency. Mr Abdullah, 45, was a former karate champion who moved from Baghdad to Mosul after the fall of Saddam Hussein's regime in 2003.

Meanwhile, Abdullah's best student, known only by his nickname The Kid, is training harder than ever to avenge his master's murder at the Insurgent Karate Tournament later next month. Reports indicate that Mr Abdullah was like a father to The Kid, and that he has taken the shooting harder than anyone else. "He stayed alone in his dojo all weekend," said The Kid's on-again-off-again girlfriend, "Then after dinner last night, he went out into the rain, dropped to his knees, and cried out about how he will avenge his master's honor. I thought it was kind of gay."

According to another of Abdullah's students, The Kid has started an intense training regime so that he's in peak shape at the Tournament. "He keeps running around shadow-boxing, chopping lumber, digging ditches... all while listening to 80's music: mostly Kenny Loggins, but I heard some Phil Collins a few times."

Reports show that The Kid is an orphan of the first Gulf War, who's parents were adamantly anti-Hussein and subsequently murdered by Bathist fanatics. After shining shoes for coins on the mean streets of Baghdad, The Kid got himself mixed up with a street gang during his teen years. As part of the gang, The Kid had to burglarize a random house. The house he attempted to break into belonged to Mr Abdullah, who caught him in the act and forced The Kid to do chores for him instead of turning him into the police. Eventually a bond was formed between the two, and The Kid became Abdullah's finest student.

All eyes are now on the Karate Tournament, which promises to be a spectacular event. Rumors have it that the final match will likely involve The Kid going one-on-one against an overly 'roided Joe Piscopo while featuring music by Tangerine Dream. Only time will tell if The Kid can succeed, sell out, and then quickly fall into obscurity.