Robotic Garbageman Steals Jobs from Social Outcasts

Italy has unveiled the worlds' first trash collection robot, called Dustbot. The robot can be summoned to an address through a mobile any time of day. It finds its way through streets using GPS and a sophisticated gyroscope to keep it upright on just two wheels. Dustbot has many other sensors so that it does not collide with anything. Dustbot's inventor hopes to put an end to fixed times for garbage collection. The prototype currently operates in Tuscany.

Robots hauling off our garbage, it makes sense when you think about it. People don’t want to deal with disposing of all the goddamn garbage they make, so why not have robots do it? It’s only our garbage, right? Well you could be dead wrong. Do we really know where the fucking they’re taking our refuse? There’s no guarantee that it’s not all being hauled off and used to build the terrifying robotic war machines that will soon be striding through our streets, picking us off with their fucking heat rays and robotic tentacle arms.

First of all, do we really need to create a world where robots are now competition for menial labor? We’ve already got a bunch fucking brain dead hillbillies complaining about immigrants taking their jobs, if you add robots into the equation you’re just asking for cataclysmic battle between man and machine. And seriously, if we let robots take jobs from the goddamn local mutants we call trash-men, who eye middle school girls on the way home from school, then what are they going to spend all their free time doing? With all fucking seriousness, I don’t want to know. So I say we put a fucking moratorium on the idea of a robotic trashman, butler, ditch digger, cesspool cleaner, mailman, or Pizza Hut employee, because at least we know what those fucking freaks are doing for most of the day.

The other problem, we’re allowing robots to freely roam our streets. It seems convenient that you can call a service to have them dispatch a robot trashcan to you. In fact, that’s great. We’ll all get used to having these washing-machine looking fucks rolling around. That way nobody will question their appearance when they start showing up at our homes on their own and cramming our shattered bodies into their trash compartment for disposal. Of course, the damn thing looks so fucking goofy that nobody would ever expect that they’re methodically taking us out one family at a time.

In my opinion, trash disposal isn’t worth risking a potential robot holocaust (as illustrated in the 1986 documentary Robot Holocaust, now available on Comcast OnDemand). We should let the dregs of our society handle our garbage, like god intended them to, that way we keep the fucking crazies busy sifting through our shit and as far away from us as fucking possible. In the end, if it comes down to robots or humans, you just have to side with the humans, no matter how ugly, disgusting, perverted, mentally deficient or noxious they might happen to be. It’s like Eisenhower always said: “better dead than a damn dirty fucking robot.”