Outlander, Enough Said

Okay, I'm going to take a slight break from yelling about the same kind of shit all the time.

Have you ever thought the story of Beowulf would be fucking awesome if Beowulf was a space marine who crash lands in 8th century Norway, and is followed by a badass space alien version of Grendel? If you think this sounds like a bad idea, you're a fucking moron and should swallow the business end of a shotgun just to keep your terrible judgment out of the goddamn gene pool.

Yes, this is the concept behind the film Outlander, which premiered tonight (err, last night... I'm writing this at 1:30am). Haven't heard of it? Of course you haven't. It hasn't been fucking advertised. I was told about the movie tonight, only a few hours before seeing it. I was hesitant to pay $10 at Loews to see it, but in hindsight, I should have been willing to pay upwards of $50 just to have to privilege of glimpsing its magnificence.

Listen... I could ruin every plot point and mention every fucking incredible scene, but I'll simply leave you with this: Ron Pearlman as a viking who dual-wields war hammers. If that isn't fucking good enough for you, take my advice and ventilate your fucking skull with buckshot.

Okay, maybe I'm overselling it, but it's at least worth $10 to go fucking see it. The six other people in the theater clearly agreed with me. Go see it, because it probably won't be in theaters for long since nobody fucking knows about it.

Or go see Paul Blart: Mall Cop and then, not to be repetitive but: 12 gauge... brain... wall.