Friday, January 30

Top Secret US Military Data Found on Thrift Shop MP3 Player:
Another Homerun for Homeland Security

Chris Ogle, 29 of New Zealand, bought an MP3 player at an Oklahoma thrift shop and found files on it that contained information on U.S. Military personnel. The files listed the names and telephone numbers of US soldiers, along with other personal data such as social security numbers and mission briefings from Afghanistan. The United States has yet to make a comment on the incident.

For a moment I looked at this mess and said "yeah, I guess some information is going to get out." But then I took a step back and realized how fucking retarded that is.

How much of our money to do these fucking mental giants spend on national defense? We've got bombers that costs $2 billion a piece and bombs that cost hundreds of millions, but none of that shit matters if some fucking tourist from New Zealand finds some shit on his iPod that explains exactly where those fantastic wastes of money are going to be dropped in a confused attempt to frag some godforsaken Arab dirt farmers.

I think what troubles me the most is that Top Secret Military data is being stored in the same format I use to make my fucking grocery list. Compatibility doesn't matter when it's a motherfucking secret, you stupid fucks! The mere fact that this data can be put on an MP3 player is the fucking knife to the gut, but then the fact that it was left on there so that some Kiwi fuck could find it, that's the twist of the fucking knife while it's still in the gut.

You know what else? Apparently our Army officers are so fucking poor that they have to sell their MP3 players they store military secrets on to a fucking thrift shop. Jesus fucking Christ, these aren't the fucking grunts here; these are the college-educated ignorant cocksuckers who lead the grunts into fucking ambushes. You'd think these douchebags would be wasteful enough to just throw out old electronic garbage from Radioshack the way they throw out the lives of their fucking men, but no, not this time. This time, you fucked up GI shit-for-brains.

So if you're the brilliant fuck who left all that information on your MP3 player, save the goddamn terrorists and your own men the trouble and shove a fucking grenade up your ass.

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