Dung Beetle Evolves From Nature's Bitch to Predator, Humans Insist on Wasting Money on Movie About Obese Mall Cop

The dung beetle, once at the rear end of the food chain, has been filmed in Peru attacking and eating Millipedes more than ten times its own size.

Deltochilum valgum, one of the species commonly known as the dung beetle, typically feasts on fresh animal feces that they form into balls and roll with their hind legs, however it has been found that this particular species has completely given up dining on feces in favor of decapitating prey with their armored-hides and then feasting on their insides. This is the first time a dung beetle species has ever been recorded making such a transition.


We're being fucking laughed at here people. This type of dung beetle has just made the most fundamentally progressive move for its fucking species since its existence. This sort of an evolution is like going from being the booger-eating kid who gets swirlies every day to decapitating the school bully with a motherfucking katana and then ripping out and eating his raw heart, while the entire goddamn lunchroom watches in fucking awe. Deltochilum valgum was a "dung beetle" but is now a "badass motherfucker beetle."

This wasn't even something that was brought on by necessity. It's not like there wasn't enough shit around for these fuckers to eat. They woke up one day, said "fuck this!" and started taking the fucking head of any bugs that got in their way. Whatever the goddamn term you personally use now to describe something as being so fucking awesome you can't describe it (be it metal, tech, gonzo, whatever...), this is the fucking definition of it.

Meanwhile, we humans, the top of the fucking food-chain, keep consuming shit on unsustainable levels and think nothing of it. Far worse than that, Paul Blart: Mall Cop has been #1 at theaters for two weeks now, proving that people don't give a flying fuck about what movie they go see. "Oh, a fat mall cop guy on a segway, that looks like a fucking laugh-riot. Mall cops are a joke, segways are a joke, fat guys are funny as hell when they fall down. Fucking Gold!"

Well way to go America, expect more shit like Paul Blart, because you fucking asked for it. And even better, you just got schooled by the fucking dung beetle. Congratulations! Go fuck yourself.