Holy Shit! Peter Weller Survives Horror Movie!

Let me start by saying that on 7/16, Comcast's on-screen guide listed Cinemax as playing Leviathan(2009) starring Kathleen LaGue and Doug Swander. It's a horror movie about a genetically engineered eel that terrorizes college students in the Florida Everglades. I tuned in expected to see drunken teenagers being chewed on by a mutant eel, but ended up with an entirely different animal altogether.

As usual, the people writing the on-screen listing for Comcast couldn't spend the time to double check their information (imdb is just too fucking long, three letters or less for urls people!). Leviathan is a horror movie from 1989 starring Peter Weller and Richard Crenna, granted it involves a deep-sea eel-like creature, and does not include Kathleen LaGue or Doug Swander. LaGue and Swander only worked together once on a movie in 2007 called Razortooth that's about, oh shit! college students attacked by an eel in Florida. So way to fuck up, on-screen listing guy.

So anyway, I decided on watching Peter Weller fighting off a sea creature for an hour and a half.

Ever watched Alien and thought, "Wow, this movie would be awesome if they just remade it," ? Well then you're fucking retarded. They've already done it a thousand times. Leviathan is a remake of Alien, and more blatant than usual. It follows a crew of underwater miners who find a scuttled Russian boat, the Leviathan, and bring back this constantly mutating monster with them. The "unique" thing about the movie is that the monster is ripped straight from John Carpenter's The Thing and inserted into a deep sea version of Alien. Done! I just described the whole fucking movie. The version you put together in your head is probably better than the actual movie.

I'm not saying Leviathan is a bad movie, its just fails to make any significant improvement on the movies its imitating. The movie has a surprisingly solid cast. Peter Weller is the captain, burdened with responsibilities. Richard Crenna is the veteran doctor. Ernie Hudson is the black guy. Hector Elizondo is... Hector Elizondo. And Daniel Stern is the miner who first wanders into the Russian boat, and is of course the first to die. There are some other people in the movie too: woman who dies, woman who survives (probably because she follows Sigourney Weaver's example and takes off her pants near the end of the movie), other guy who dies... you get the idea, there're people in it.

The most startling thing about this movie is that Peter Weller, the man who defined being ventilated by a shotgun in the opening of Robocop, actually fucking survives. Good for him. You know, the guy has been through his share of shit. He got turned into a cyborg in Robocop, fought of swarms of tiny robots in Screamers, and in Buckaroo Banzai... well I don't quite know what the fuck was going on in that one. The guy even hosts documentaries because he's a professor of Greek and Roman something or another. So I'm glad that Peter Weller got to survive a shitty knock off of Alien.

Don't worry Ernie Hudson, someday you'll survive too. Haha! I'm sorry, I couldn't keep serious while typing that.

Twitter Followers For Sale Drives Me to Madness

Australian marketing company uSocial now offers a paid service that finds followers for an individuals' Twitter feed. USocial features followers in blocks of anywhere between 1,000 and 100,000 users. The service does not pay followers, but simply finds potential followers by searching Twitter and finding what individual users are interested in. It then categorizes users and sends them messages about users that they might be interested in following.

Twitter started as a way for friends to update each other about their activities and status. Recently, as Twitter has grown in users and popularity, businesses and marketers have been targeting Twitter as a potential marketing medium. Many companies are building up as many followers as possible in hopes of monetizing them in the future. Despite Twitter becoming the newest channel for viral marketing, it appears that people have yet to start leaving it for the next big thing.

This definitively proves that there is no god. If there were a god, he would look down at his creation right now and say, "What the holy fuck is this gay shit about? Where did I go wrong?" and then BAM! Rapture time. But seeing as the faithful inbred-mutants from America's heartland haven't started disappearing, I'm sticking with the whole "god is dead" thing.

At first, it amazed me that a social networking site that inundates one with retarded updates from ones' retarded internet contacts could ever be seen as anything other than an annoyance. Now, I just don't know what to fucking say about it. Twitter is popular--this blog... not so much. Maybe I should go pay to have people follow my every fucking word. Perhaps I could then spread my poorly thought-out anger over upcoming apocalyptic events, movies, and other crap that I write about.

I feel this sort of disgust with new trends and the status-quo is what leads one to become a Blofeldian super-villain. Maybe in several years I'll be creating an intricate plan to destroy all social networking sites using a satellite-based laser beam, maniacal laughter, and a seemingly unstoppable sidekick portrayed by a foreign actor who nobody has ever heard of. Oh fuck!... maybe I could use Twitter to recruit an army of inept henchmen. This shit just gets better all the time!